The secret to self healing from the emotional wounds that continue to haunt you as an adult is not in:
- buying more crystals
- learning a new form of yoga
- clearing your chakras
- going to India (or anywhere) for a spiritual experience
- Oracle cards
These are all beautiful things that can greatly benefit our lives as daily rituals. They can genuinely complement the work but are not the answer in and of themselves. If we are not addressing the root issue then none of it really matters. No, the secret to self healing can be done in your home, by yourself, and in this very moment. And here it is: Taking an honest inventory of yourself and beginning to own your responsibility. You are now freed from pointing fingers towards others as to why you are stuck. And not only that, but you own your responsibility for the roles you have played to keep yourself stuck. Stuck in false and limiting beliefs, relationships that no longer benefit you, and even in repetitive cycles of damaging emotions that keep you in the same place over and over again.
The 3 Problems With Taking Ownership (and what keeps us from knowing the secret to self healing)
1. We prefer our pain over healing.
When we take responsibility for what our lives have become, it only propels us forward into healing and we can no longer stay stagnant– something which most of us actually don’t want. Some of you are saying, “But why would I ever want to stay in my bitterness, anger, resentment, etc.?!” It might not make sense to our rational minds. No one consciously says I prefer pain over happiness. But the truth is in our subconscious, that is exactly what we do. We stick with what is familiar, even when that familiarity is painful. It isn’t until we take ownership of the role we play in our lives can we be healed.
2. It (falsely) assumes that we are to blame for all the things that have gone wrong.
People assume that when you take responsibility for your ownership in something, it means that you are to blame. That you actually deserved what you got. So let me be crystal clear here when I say that is not what I mean. What we are responsible for is the way we have allowed the things that have happened in our lives to create walls over our hearts. We must own how we’ve allowed those horrible things to keep us stuck in our traumas. This sort of damage turns internal and begins to destroy us instead of our abusers or those who caused us pain.
3. It means that there is no one left to blame. For anything.
It is nice to have a villain, a scapegoat, a reason as to why you can’t more forward but in the end, that is just a glorified way of playing victim and giving your power away to someone outside of yourself. By taking ownership, that means you get to take that power back. You are no longer dependent of anyone for making you happy or holding responsibility for your unhappiness because you now know how to own all of it.
Because we begin to take responsibility for the roles we play in creating our storylines, we free ourselves of ever getting caught in the finger-pointing trap. The trap that convinces us that others can take our power away. When you are ready to find that healing in your life, make sure you are there to embrace yourself with compassion, kindness, love, and forgiveness.
Cara Ansis is a Self-Love Facilitator and healer, helping women safely enter their own inward journey towards taking better care of themselves. With a master’s degree in Soul Care, she is a certified Spiritual Director and has had the privilege of working with countless women around the country. With her own profound story of self-healing, she now teaches those everyday techniques, rituals, and tools to enable other women connect with their own healing abilities and radically transform their lives. Cara lives in Chicago, IL with her husband, Matt and their son, Jaxon.