Creating Your Own Rituals

Rituals are your personal way to build purpose and meaning into your life. And since you are now in charge of creating your own purpose and meaning--something that high demand religion once was responsible for in your life--rituals are such a great vehicle for building the foundation of what is important to you. I love what Casper ter Kuile says in his book The Power of Ritual, that "rituals make the invisible connections that make life meaningful, visible."

Why Are Rituals Important

There are so many benefits to rituals. They can help you:

Gain clarity from your values
Process big emotions
Calm your nervous system
Create a sense of grounding
Feel connected to others
Build self empowerment
Creatively express yourself
Create more joy
Remind you what is meanningful to you
Look forward to certain moments/times of the year

*This is a table altar ritual I do on my mother's birthday, to celebrate her memory since passing. I decorate my dining room table with candles and photos for dinner and share stories about my mom with my son, who unfortunately never met her.

Rituals are so good at creating order in the midst of chaos, which in return, creates safety in your brain. A very human need. And the thing is, you are already participating in rituals if you:

Sing Happy Birthday and blow out candles on a cake
Put up a Christmas tree
Eat certain foods at specific times of the year
Go to a weekly Happy Hour with co-workers
Shop at Farmer's Markets every Saturday
Wake up at 5am to workout
Put your phone "to sleep" at a certain time at night

...anything that has repetition and intention to it. Think of things you look forward to, activities you have come to expect based on certain times of the day, week, month, and year. The sheer act of creating rituals to invoke safety, order, and patterns was something religion got right, however, it was they who decided what it should look like and why it was imporant. Now that you've left the Church, YOU get to choose. You get to build your life based on the foundation of what is important to you. Gone are the days of someone else telling you what to value and how to best express those values. You are now the creator of all of that!

*This is a photo of my sacred space that I have built in a small closet of my home. This is where I go to retreat to when I want to journal, burn incense, and listen to music.

How To Create Your Own Rituals

There are 3 main questions to ask yourself before you create your own rituals:

What are my intentions for this ritual? What is the reason that I want to incorporate this ritual into my life? What is the tone I want to set? How often will I perform this?
What values of mine does this represent? The rituals you create are an extension and expression of what is most important to you. If you haven't thought about what your core values are, find 3-5 words that bes represent what is important to you right now (not what you think it should be, but what is). These can be the foundation to your inner compass, giving you guidance and clarity.
What objects of senses do I want to incorporate? How much of your WHOLE self do you want to include into this ritual? Are there others who will participate or is this just for you? What objects will make this most meaningful to match the tone you are trying to set?

If you are interested, we have created a beautiful compilation of rituals that can help you create purpose and meaning. Take a peek at our list HERE.

*Even making your bed can be ritualistic by focusing on setting your intentions for the day as your straighten it up.

The best part of all of this is realizing that this doesn't have to the be overtly spiritual (especially if that still feels triggering for you). Everyday things can be sacred! Think of building your rituals around:

Cooking and eating
Cleaning your home (like making your bed)
Reading (even smutty stuff, ha)
Listening to podcasts about science

You don't need special tools, activities, magic, or persons in power in order to tap into the beauty of life. Everything you need is already inside of you. May the rituals you create in your life be an expression of self empowerment, inner authority, and declaration of meaning through the ordinary.