Creating Boundaries Around Your New Beliefs
Remember when we said that it makes sense why boundaries are difficult for you because you were trained to not have any/have poor boundaries? Part of the process of recovering from religious harm is to figure out what healthier boundaries do look like now. Despite how "wrong" it feels that you are keeping your new beliefs from others (we would expect it to feel like this when you were taught to confess every sin and be accountable to your brothers and sisters), holding this new information close to your chest is actually a sign of healthy boundaries (not to mention, self trust!).
You ARE allowed to keep your life private to the degree that YOU want. Sometimes, your body knows before your brain does that it isn't emotionally safe for you to tell everyone where you stand now with your new beliefs. So pay attention to how your body feels when you think about sharing and what emotions arise. This is how you begin to build self trust. Healthy boundaries around your new beliefs look like:
- Not talking about religion with your still-believing family
- Giving myself space as I sort out what I believe now
- Using new words for old terms
- Not having to explain myself to everyone who asks
- Keeping distance from those who don't respect my choices
- Coming up for air often and doing more fun things
If you are debating whether or not you are ready to share your new beliefs, these FIVE questions are incredibly helpful with clarifying whether or not the guilt you might be feeling from being secretive is actually coming from your religious programming or not. And for those who ARE ready to share with others and are feeling nervous about it, keep these three things in mind:
- You don't have to over-explain yourself.
- Being firm doesn't mean that you have to be mean/rude.
- Stay consistent and repeat when necessary.
- Disrupting others with your new beliefs does not mean you are bad
Here are statements that you can use to keep it short and sweet:
Regardless of where you are at, remember that this is YOUR life. You are now empowered to make choices for yourself and you get to decide when to speak your new truth when you are ready.
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