Caring For Yourself After Sharing Your New Beliefs

So you’ve ripped off the bandaid and told someone you love about your changing beliefs (we're back with Part 2! If you didn't read Part 1 where we talk about the 3 steps to follow when having a hard conversation around your faith transition, read THIS first).

We left you hanging with the last step because it deserves an email all on its own. Step 4 is basically what to do once the regret, fear, and shame hit you. If you were raised in a system that taught you that having the same beliefs as the group equated to safety, we're going to expect conversations like these to trigger a lot of feelings of uncertainty and instability. So let's prepare for this to be hard (no, it's doesn't mean something is wrong with you!) and create a plan for taking care of yourself when big conversations like these happen.

This is SUCH an important step because it requires you to practice self responsibility. And when your old religious programming disconnected you from your own power, this is how you begin to take it back: By decoding the language of your needs and learning how to meet them now.

By the way: This is a huge component of what we teach at Happy Whole U! You actually have everything you are looking for within YOU, you just haven’t been given the tools for finding it. You were never taught the:

• Language of your own body
• Messages of your emotions
• Red flags your thoughts are trying to get you to pay attention to

You have this rich inner village within, full of wisdom and resources at your disposal that is fully capable of healing the damage religion has done.

Okay, are you ready for the final step? Because here we go...

STEP 4: PRACTICING SELF CARE

So how are you going to take care of yourself after this tough conversation? This is the time to where we encourage you to get really practical through these 4 aspects:

1. Remember the messages of your emotions. Conversations like these will bring up many BIG feelings like shame, fear, and sadness. Use these 5 questions to help you understand what it is that is happening in your emotional undercurrent and how to untangle yourself from them. You don't have to spiral down in your emotions. You can learn to label them and then simply view them as information. 

2. Identify what you need. This is a big one because it's part of how you create self trust. After experiencing those big emotions, you'll find that it leaves you with a need in the moment. This need should be one word. What is that for you? Is it: 

• Compassion?
• Understanding?
• Validation?

Write it down and fill in the blank: "I'm feeling (x) and when I feel like that, I need (x) to comfort myself."  And remember, whatever it is that you do need, YOU are more than capable of giving yourself that.

3. Make a list of how you can comfort yourself. Think of the people, places, senses, activities that can bring you comfort during this difficult moment. Do you need: space to cry/scream, to move your body, call a friend, a nourishing beverage, journal out your thoughts, light incense, music, etc? Make a list for each need and/or feeling: "When I need/feel (x), here are all the ways that I can nurture myself." Be practical and use as many senses as possible. Don't forget to be prepared to go through your list when you need it!

4. Focus on your WHY.   Remember your intention behind these tough conversations. What is compelling you to press into all this pain? Is it that you desire freedom, authenticity, honesty? Remind yourself often of the new life you are cultivating! It always looks messy in the middle.

In religion you were taught that life is an epic battle between good and evil, and in order to survive you had to completely rid yourself of anything deemed evil or bad. You had a sin problem and desperately needed a CURE. But being a human isn’t a disease you need to be cured from. Instead maybe you can think of yourself like a houseplant, or a beloved pet that you get to CARE for and nurture for the rest of your life. Sounds a lot more manageable doesn’t it?