DIY Memorial Candles
lt's been almost 9 years since my mother died. I can't explain how surreal it is to write that down and to think about how it's been 8 years since I've last heard her voice. To be frank, her death sent me into spiral of the void for years. At that point, I had left the Church 9 years prior, and my mother's death was the first signficant one that I had to engage with as an exvangelical. It was there that I grappled at what the point of life was, what I believe happens when we die, what the afterlife is, and whether or not I even believe we even have a soul.
It got pretty bleak for me in those first 5 years. How does one find comfort in the loss of someone they loved deeply when they no longer believe that they'd see each other again in heaven?! It felt as if I was deconstructing my faith all over again, but this time around felt even more painful. I had to carve my way out of the darkness by facing some scary truths, making space for the discomfort of pain and uncertainty... all without relying on trite statements to bypass my sadness.
It was through this process of venturing into the void that I discovered my deep love for rituals. They were a lifeline for me to express my deepest thoughts and emotions when words failed me. What I find so comforting about rituals is that they force you to figure out what is important to you, and then give you a playground to transmute them into expression. The process of doing that can be so grounding! And if you've ever been in the void, you know you're desperate to cling to some sense of grounding.
Slowly, I was able to carve my way out of the darkness through clinging tightly onto these rituals. That took tiiiiiimmmmmmeeeee. I really want to stress this because you can't take shortcuts through grief. There are none. Believe me, I looked for them. And I also hope you can hear me when I say rituals haven't made my grief go away. They've just given me a voice to express my sadness and gratitude.
I say all of this just to get to my point with these DIY Memorial Candles. It's one of the rituals I started as a means to finding meaning and acceptance in death. Fun filled fact: It's also why I started my arm sleeve tattoo: a skull growing flowers out of it with a butterfly.
I keep getting off track, don't I? DIY Memorial Candles, ha, yes. Shortly into my initiation of the void, I started to make an ancestor altar in my sacred space to honor my mother. It was a place where I felt connected to her somehow, and I'd go there to be with her. On my altar, there are 3 key elements:
- photos (to keep her memory alive)
- sea shells (she loved them)
- candles (my mom was joy and light)
So when I saw THESE candles that you can transfer a picture onto, I thought how perfect they'd be for her birthday when I take my dining room table and turn it into a giant altar in her honor. By the way, today is her birthday. She would have been 75, though she would have preferred me to say it's the 46th time celebrating her 29th birthday😂). Sigh, she was funny like that.
Aside for how bad my printer is, I geniunely LOVED how these turned out, lines and all. I actually prefer the lines on my candles because it symbolizes my experience around being a human and dealing with grief: messy and imperfect. And who knows? Maybe these DIY Memorial Candles might be a perfect place for you to start with honoring the big emotions that are coming up with death, too? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a boxed yellow cake to decorate for tonight. My mom would have loved that.
**Extra points if you spotted the peach ring candies in some of these photos (that was her favorite candy).
We are
