Setting boundaries can be the work of a lifetime. That is why it’s important to keep these 5 things in mind as you set off to create boundaries in your relationships to maintain a life of honoring yourself:
1|5: Remain true to your needs.
This might be something you’ve never done nor consider. You might need to take a moment to figure out WHAT your needs are. You can create a daily practice by asking yourself what you need based off of the 5 Components of Self Care:
Depending on the situation that you need to create boundaries, make some space for yourself to show up and ask, “What do I need right now? How can I honor myself by adhering to my needs?” If you need a mantra to keep from betraying yourself, you can try this one.
2|5: Become aware of how you feel around certain people.
Identify the people in your life who you tend to participate in self betrayal more than others.
- How do you feel around them?
- What is it about them that gets you to ignore your needs?
- Do they remind you of someone from your past that you wanted love and approval from?
See where this list leads you. It might indicate that you need to create more boundaries around these people more than you typically would anyone else. It also might indicate that for your sake, you need to eliminate them from your life.
3|5: Get honest with what you role is.
Before you go blaming the people in #2, get honest about how you allowed this to happen as well. You have responsibility in this as well. If you don’t address it, it WILL happen to you over again until you do.
- Why do you allow people to walk over you?
- What do you get out of it?
- How has it enabled you to survive up until now?
- What are you learning about yourself now?
4|5: Come back to being gentle and compassionate on yourself.
It’s easy to investigate #3 and start feeling annoyed and upset with yourself. If you feel like that, always come back to gentleness and compassion. Remember that you did the best you could with the tools you had in the moment. It was simply the little child within looking for love and acceptance. Forgive yourself and release it.
5|5: It’s okay to take care of yourself. You aren’t being selfish.
Beginning to stand up for yourself and setting boundaries is a difficult task, especially if you’ve never really done it before. It can feel like you are betraying others at first. Remember that you actually aren’t being selfish. You matter in all of your relationships too!